Tag Archives: Anger
Regardless of annual income, or lack thereof, the only real estate that we all have guaranteed to us is our own personal space. I’m not talking the walls that house and shelter you, I’m talking about the intangible energies that embody who we are and how we conduct ourselves. We are constantly maintaining, creating, and promoting the space around us. Think about the last time you said, “I just need some space.” What is it that you were craving at that time? My guess would be you were looking for a sense of peace, calm, or perhaps clarity that seemed unattainable at that moment.
A combination of our thoughts, perceptions, and ongoing behaviors create the space that we call our own and each of those things perpetuate either positive or negative energy around us. What I continue to learn most is that if I am in a place of fear, uncertainty, insecurity, and separation…I tend to react with tension and even anger to people around me. However, when I’m relaxed, feeling connected to the world around me, and open; I am more likely to experience patience, tolerance, and warmth to those very same people and circumstances. Notice, I said, “more likely”. It’s not as if we become immune to all those things, but perhaps we become more adaptable.
All sorts of things can negatively impact the equilibrium we experience within our personal space and at the end of the day it is up to us to decide if there is going to be a small ripple of a current or an all-out smashing wave of discontent that smacks us in the face. It may be the ongoing responsibilities that seem to pile up during the work day. But it can also be the uncomfortable feeling when you are not feeling yourself and someone close to you asks what’s wrong and you simply don’t know how to put your feelings into words. Often though, it’s that sense that the world is crashing down, things are changing too fast, and nothing feels certain.
Whatever the case, we can arm ourselves with tools that help us create, maintain, and promote the best possible space around us that is full of love and hope. I’m not suggesting we put our heads in the sand and pretend that bad things don’t happen or that some days are not going to be harder than others. However, if we become intentional about our personal space and diligently assess our interactions, we will begin to realize whether our perceptions, thoughts, and actions are being impacted by fear and uncertainty. And ultimately through increased awareness, we can determine if the space we need is a complex layers of a process which identifies our true need…which is love.
Who is ready for the holidays?! If you just responded with an exasperated sigh or cringed as you read those words, this may be a good post for you.
This time is mentally and physically exhausting all by itself, so why not consider doing a quick mental health check-up before you find yourself wanting to call in sick to your next holiday event?
Here are some areas to consider:
1) First, you may want to check your emotional temperature. Are you running hot lately? Noticing a tendency to respond in anger? If so, ask yourself what is underlying the anger? Maybe you’re sad, maybe you are feeling insecure about something, or maybe you are just overwhelmed. Irritability can be an indicator of all sorts of things, both emotional and physical. Spend a few minutes thinking about the last few things that have gotten you really upset. Notice if there is a theme or common thread. Then create a plan to unwind or unplug each day and create a space of calm. If you are able to meditate (or what I sometimes do, which is simply sit still for a few minutes)…it has been show to decrease feelings of irritability and anger greatly. It’s amazing how even 60 seconds of stillness positively impacts our emotional well-being.
2) Second, how is your appetite? Are you eating your feelings? Have you been reaching for extra servings of carbs and sweets? Think about what is it that you may be trying to compensate for. Another thought is to really consider what makes you feel “full”. Are you seeking out activities that inspire you and fill your heart with joy? Think about something that you can set some time aside for that truly fills you up (without all the extra calories).
3) How is your energy level? Are you waking up only to wish for another hour of snooze time? And more importantly, are you pushing through the day feeling like you slept on a bed of rocks? Getting enough sleep impacts everything from our mental sharpness, our emotional responses, and ability to problem solve. Energy level is also impacted by what we put in our bodies and if we are not eating enough balanced nutrition and taking in enough water….our whole system suffers. Also consider what kind of energy is surrounding you. If you are rubbing elbows with negative people all day, that’s gonna run you down. Sometimes you can’t escape a cranky co-worker, but maybe you can take extra steps to limit contact and be ready to respond with extra kindness and positivity. It may be as simple as repeating a positive affirmation or even faking a smile until it feels real. Yes, that does work. Try it right now if you don’t believe me.
4) Now, let’s talk about your flexibility. Nope, this isn’t about being about to touch your toes (though it is important)! It’s about being open to a new experiences and rolling with the flow. Are you hearing yourself explain why you can’t do something, or why something automatically won’t work? Rigid thinking leads us to experience higher level of stress and releases all those hormones that contribute to feeling fatigued, irritable, and generally uninspired. Start stretching yourself. Try to resist the impulse to immediately think why something won’t work and think about how you are willing to try. If you are going through a lot of changes, give yourself permission to feel a bundle of emotions but work on identifying what type of support you need while you’re going through the change. Do you need someone to hear you and validate you? Or maybe you just need to acknowledge that the change is scary as hell and you’re feeling scared or fearful. It’s okay to feel all those things. There is something powerful about acknowledging and owning feelings of vulnerability. Again, this about increasing awareness. There may not be a quick fix or solution…but a higher sense of awareness can serve you well.
5) And finally, when’s the last time you checked your vision for yourself? How far are you able to see in the future? I’m not talking about a psychic hotline kind of stuff, I’m referring to feeling hopeful and goal-oriented. Have you reviewed your goals for yourself lately or even better, have you set some new ones? Don’t wait until a new year’s resolution party….write down a couple of things that you would like to do now and create a plan of action to go along with it. Include the people who you need support from and a timeline. One of the most powerful ways to instill hope is to create a goal. When you create goals, you acknowledge that something IS possible. That is the crux of what hope is, believing in a possibility. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate 5 year plan. It can be something as simple as listing off the chores you want to accomplish by the end your weekend. Next time someone asks you why you are writing out a ‘to do’ list, just tell them that you are engaging in an act of hope.
Yes, the holidays are coming whether we are ready or not. So why not take a few minutes and think about your emotional health and where you are today before taking on a whole new set of worries, tasks, and responsibilities. Who knows, maybe if you take the time to increase your awareness and possibly incorporate some strategies now; you may not end up screaming at your in-laws at the next family dinner or flipping out about the lack of adequate parking at the local shopping mall. Okay, maybe that last point was a stretch, but never underestimate the power of positive thinking. 🙂
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