I went for a run the other day and was enjoying my reward of standing and gazing out on the water and feeling that familiar sense of accomplishment and peace. As I was standing, I realized the sun was beating down on my face and hindering my view. My initial thought was “Damn, it’s too bright and hot now.” I immediately realized the ridiculousness of this thought. For a split second, I was totally agitated with the sun for shining on my face and disrupting my beautiful moment on the path. For that millisecond I thought that I was in control of everything around me and somehow responsible to change everything too. I mean, who is so ridiculous as to think they can change the sun and why would you want to even if you could?
When we adjust our perception and accept the reality of any given situation, we are able to become more free with each moment. It’s not about being passive. It’s about acknowledging our limitations and owning our responsibility. Through acceptance, we are able to recognize our options and navigate the experience based on how we want to feel. It’s this idea that we may not choose what happens in each moment, but we always have a choice on how we respond and how we feel. That is true power. When we focus on ourselves in that way, we save a tremendous amount of energy that would have been futile to waste on changing the other person/situation. Granted, it may be easier to conceptualize this with the idea of the sun’s beaming rays, but isn’t it just as applicable to think of the guy who cut you off in traffic, your co-worker who is incessantly negative, or the family member who seems to only call when they need something? You can’t stop those things from happening AND you are not responsible to change the way people talk/act/think. Just like it’s not up to you to get the sun to shine today.
Acceptance is not about being weak, resigning to the other person, or ignoring a real problem…it is simply about acknowledging the sun (aka current situation) exists as it is without trying to control it and remember that the only thing you are responsible for is deciding how you want to experience it. So go out, stand in the sun or move over to the shade. Just do what makes you happy and love doing it!
You know how you find yourself ruminating about something and you can’t seem to let it go? It’s that time when someone says or does something and you keep replaying it in your head and thinking “How could they have said that?” or “Why did they treat me like that?” You know you are really in the thick of it when you start playing the whole thing over and you come up with about 4 different ‘comebacks’ or other things you wish you had said or done.
Recently, I seem to have gotten caught up in a plethora of experiences/interactions that left me shaking my head, wondering what the hell I did wrong, and questioning everything. Then I finally figured out that I needed a serious reality check. I was getting caught up in my fears, insecurities, and doubts. It’s one thing to have my own doubts, fears, and such. But when a combination of my own stuff is going on and then I get healthy doses of other people projecting their own jacked up stuff in the form of criticism, judgment, impatience and lack of understanding…well it becomes one heck of a downward spiral.
So the thing is, I like peace in my life. I like ease and understanding. When those things are lacking, I immediately look inward to figure out what is going on and what I can change. What I have found is that sometimes all I need is a basic reality check. Think about it like an insurance claim. Stick to the fact, nothing but the facts. Leave out all emotions, assumptions, and impact. What actually happened?
An example could be: “This person said something that hurt my feelings.”
The reality check? Someone made a statement. It’s not about denying feelings were in fact hurt, it’s about the fact that the only thing that happened in that moment was someone made a statement. Can you take that statement, interpret it, internalize it, then experience in a variety of ways? Sure. And that is the exact stuff to let go for a true reality check. When you start to play it out in your head and determine that the statement was right or wrong, that it was given with disrespect, that it somehow reflects your value; you are including assumptions and judgement. But it’s not about making assumptions OR judgement. It’s about looking at the facts. A statement was made. An action was taken. It does not have to define everything you are or represent the whole world.
The reality check doesn’t make a hurtful interaction go away, it doesn’t make a feeling not be present. It simply allows an opportunity to gain some objectivity and practice some self compassion and kindness. When we release our emotional attachments and judgments we can allow more room for understanding which ultimately can create a path of love through the form of forgiveness (whether it be for ourselves or someone else).