Tag Archives: peace

A resolution of love

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New Year

New Year

The L in ‘LUCK” stands for love and the complexity of this emotion is never lost on me.  Loving someone else is a natural process yet the idea of loving self become complicated, conditional, and at times unfeasible.  I wonder why it seems so natural to experience love for others and so unnatural to experience love for our own self?

When our friends make mistakes, we can rationalize their behavior and even experience compassion for them even when their actions may have directly impacted us.  However, we are unable to find that compassion and understanding for ourselves quickly, if at all, sometimes.  We hold ourselves to standards that can be impossible.  We judge ourselves constantly and compare what we ‘should’ be versus accepting exactly what we are in this moment.

Have we ever examined a relationship in our lives and thought, “if only they were perfect, had no flaws, and made no mistakes…I could love them more?”  So why in the world do we hold ourselves to an unattainable and undesirable standard?  Not only are we able to accept flaws and imperfections in others, but we find value in them.  Those are the traits that endear us to them and make them unique and full of character. We find tolerance through our experience of love for them.

I wonder what amazing things would happen if today we all started only one resolution….to simply love and accept ourselves completely as we are?  This is not to suggest that we can’t explore ways to become more aware or gain more understanding and knowledge of ourselves and acknowledge opportunities for continued growth.  It’s simply an invitation to accept that who we are at this very moment is worthy of love and that we don’t have to wait until we are ‘better’ to fully engage in self-love.

I fully believe that loving our self leads to a better sense of well-being, happiness, and peace which transcends into more peace, love, and happiness around us.  My resolution for this year?  More love.  Absolutely.

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It’s okay not to be okay

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I write often about ideas and strategies that increase a sense of well-being.  They originate from a place within my soul that knows peace even if I am not always present in that space.  And typically the ideas and strategies I talk about offer a backdrop of inspiration and uplifting energy.  The reality is that some times our well-being can be supported and it doesn’t feel like rainbows and lily pads (it’s been a long week…this is the best metaphor I have this morning).  My point is that when challenges happen, and the experience of life becomes overwhelming, confusing, and breaks your heart a little…..it is okay not to be okay.

I am getting comfortable in the place of simply not feeling okay and figuring out how to cope through the emotion of it all.  This is the reality of watching someone you care about suffer and the realization that their life is coming to an end.  It breaks your heart, it causes you great pause, it makes you angry and confused, it taxes your body, and most of all it creates this place of wonder as you witness the end of their physical life’s journey.  I am writing today to remind myself that some moments in life are not meant to be understood and are incredibly difficult to be embraced.  But I do believe that even in these moments, the moments of total and complete raw emotion, the moments of fear, uncertainty, and hopes of peace…they are meant to be cherished.  For these moments are still living moments.  They represent the complexity and amazement of this thing we call life.  This is the time when we have to trust that we remain whole even when everything in our life seems to fall apart.  Our strength, knowledge, and love within us will help us piece all of the other things back together.

Whether you are watching a loved one come to an end of their journey in this world or going through your own personal experience of great change…it is okay not to be okay.

Summer vacation

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va-ca-tion: Noun.  1: a respite or a time of respite from something: intermission. 2 a:  scheduled period during which activity (as of court or school) is suspended b:  a period of exemption from work granted to an employee 3: a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation (Webster’s Dictionary).

I will never forget  a conversation with a boss about vacations.  I was experiencing a particularly stressful time at work with some of the most mentally taxing cases that I had encountered and the idea of ‘burn-out’ seemed like a step up from where I was in that moment.  Feeling full of despair, I remarked that I desperately needed a vacation.  His response was “You have to realize that vacation will not solve your problems of how you are feeling.  Escaping only provides temporary relief.  The real issue is for you to find a way to achieve peace and inner calm without having to physically leave and go somewhere.”  Granted, I know he had positive intent when he provided me that insight but all I heard was “blah, blah, blah, buck up and keep going.”  Needless to say, I didn’t receive the wisdom very well and rationalized his advice as ‘fluff’ that can only come from people who get 6 weeks of vacation a year.  Therefore, I rejected his advice and the equally insightful guidance that followed and proceeded to wallow in self-pity instead of figuring out how to navigate the enormity of my emotional and physical state of exhaustion.

Eventually, I managed to explore some options and restore my spirit, and now I can truly appreciate what he was getting at with his statements.  Here’s the deal.  We have a right to enjoy vacations, but it can’t be the answer to life’s complex and exhausting challenges.  It can provide us with relaxation, adventure, and a pause of our daily chores, but if we look at it with great expectations of erasing stress and wiping our memories of pain, heartache, and turmoil; we will only set ourselves up for deeper disappointment when we return to the reality of our everyday lives.

There is something magical that can happen on a vacation; we tend to notice nature more, not be in such a hurry, be more open to love and hope, and generally allow ourselves to take good care.  And the most amazing phenomenon that happens (sometimes), is that we realize everything we need is within us no matter where we go.

Vacations can help us reconnect with our spirits but we don’t have to travel a great distance to achieve an inner state of calm. I mean, it’s not like we become different people on vacation.  We are always there.  We convince ourselves into thinking that vacation helps us be calmer, happier, and more content. But let’s get real, we don’t turn into ideal human beings just because we don’t have to worry about laundry for a few days or sit in bumper to bumper traffic.  The core of who we are is always present, unfortunately we are just too dang busy to notice while we are working all day, managing our personal life, and keeping up with endless tasks that create our ‘daily grind’.

I wish we all were guaranteed weeks of vacation every year to the destination of our choice, but the reality is that most of us simply don’t have that type of luxury. However, nobody says we can’t take a mini-vacation of our own without ever having to pack a bag.  Here are some ideas that can give us an ‘intermission’ from the daily grind and encourage us to take in some of the awesome things that surround us each day.

  1. Lose yourself in a good book for a couple of hours
  2. Take a class in something you have always wanted to try
  3. Visit a museum
  4. Explore a park or take a walk outside
  5. Drive a totally different way to work one day or drive in silence for a while
  6. Prepare a dinner that you have never eaten before (or go to a brand new restaurant)
  7. Get up and watch the sun rise tomorrow (or watch the sun set tonight)
  8. Lay out and watch the stars for an hour ( I hear there will be awesome meteor showers in mid August!   http://stardate.org/nightsky/meteors )
  9. Give yourself permission to do absolutely no household chores for a few days
  10. Go to bed early or sleep in late

Yes, summer vacation can be a magical time, but so can today.  We just have to decide if we want to use our senses to take in the beauty and awe that exists in abundance everywhere or simply ‘save’ it for those elusive vacation days.

My suggestion is to embrace today.  Listen to your spirit.  Hear what it needs and explore your options to appease it.  Then, just maybe, the idea of vacation (in any season) will take on a whole new meaning. 🙂

vacation pic

Finding my happy place

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Mississippi River

When I hear the term ‘happy place’, I’m always curious what that means for people.  Throughout the years, I have explored different ideas of what this magical place would look like.  It would vary with certain images and experiences but nothing remained constant.   I struggled with the confines of establishing a physical location that only held feelings of happiness or peace.  I began to wonder if I would ever determine one place of existence as purely happy.

Then, this past week I had a perfect storm of stress, anxiety, and fear all rolled into one challenge after another. As I experienced intense uncertainty, anger, and frustration I wasn’t sure what to do or even how to cope.  There was nothing ‘to fix’, it was more about navigating overwhelming feelings and accepting the reality of the situation.  I knew in my heart that I would have to let go of the worry, the fear, and the frustration and try to find a place of peace.  Talking seemed to help a little, but I still needed to clear my head and lighten my heart, so I decided to go for a walk.

As I headed to the park by my house, still full of fear and worry, I realized that I was going towards the only place that could provide me peace.  The park.  It was my refuge.  I go there every week, almost every day to walk our dog or go for a run.  I couldn’t help but welcome the small sense of relief flooding my body as I realized that no matter what, when I am at this park, I feel that the world is an okay place.  There I am insulated from the chaos of the day, the ever-growing tasks lists, and any other expectations from the world.  There is a calm supported by the trees and the rolling hills that is hard to express through words or even pictures. There is a constant that only nature can provide.  The birds never fail to sing in the trees, the river doesn’t cease to continue rolling past, and the squirrels and wildlife promise to rustle in the woods every evening.  And sometimes, the universe will grace me with wonderful surprises in the form of a deer and her fawn running across the grassy area or even the rare site of a blue crane walking along the banks.

I walked for a while and then became absorbed in watching the river run past me and disappear around the bend.  Then, like water rolling off my shoulders, the burden in my heart became lighter.  I forgot about my fears for just those moments and breathed in deep and started releasing some of my tension.  I couldn’t help but be reminded that even in the midst of angry and hurtful people, scary situations, terminal illnesses, and more pain than is imaginable at times…there is also peace.  Walking along the river path and catching a glimpse of a blue crane doesn’t make all that heartache go away.  But it allowed me to catch my breath and simply remember that there is always something bigger than me.  Something more powerful.  I can choose to get caught up in the things that are big, powerful, and scary;  or I can choose to embrace the bigger/more powerful and peaceful things.

blue crane at park

I came home that evening feeling only a little lighter, but I had gained just enough of what I needed to get me through that evening and the next day.  And even more importantly, I realized that I can, without a doubt, finally claim my ultimate happy place.  It’s not the actual space of the park, it’s perspective that I gain through the park.   I believe our happy place resides within us at all times; sometimes we just need an external reminder of how to get there.  Maybe it’s a river walk, maybe it’s a meaningful conversation with a loved one, or maybe it’s just the stillness that is finally recognized in the heart.  No matter what, the space to feel peace is always there, it’s just up to each of us when we are ready to embrace it.  And in that space, deep within my soul where stillness lives…is my happy place.

My park