Tag Archives: Kindness

Are you feeling LUCKY today?

Posted on by

Are you feeling LUCKY today?  I’m not talking about luck in the sense of go out and buy yourself a lottery ticket.  I’m talking about 4 fundamental concepts:  Love, Understanding, Compassion, and Kindness for Yourself.  Sure, it’s a quirky play on words but the idea is that we all can remember the word lucky and apply it to our emotions and well-being each day.

Here is how this works.  You, (me), or anyone having a tough day, feeling a little down, or simply just uninspired can think about LUCKY and what it means and how we are practicing it.  After all, I can imagine that if someone asks you if you feel lucky every day you may quickly respond no.  However, I believe that the more we practice LUCK the more we experience it as a natural state versus random and fleeting moments of coincidence.

The beautiful part about LUCK is that each of the actions support the other.  When we are feeling loving towards ourselves, we are more likely to feel compassion and kindness which leads to a deeper understanding.  If we begin thinking about how kind we are to self, then we instinctively draw upon love and compassion.  See, it’s almost fool-proof! I know, I know, it’s always easier said than done.  But that’s why we call it practice!

For today, and everyday, the challenge is simple:  ask yourself if you are feeling LUCKY and if the answer is no…then realize that you hold the key to change your own LUCK. Figure out a way to feel LUCK within yourself.  An easy trick is to think about what you would say to a close friend if you heard them citing the thoughts inside your head.  I mean, we all stick up for our friends when they mess up, make poor choices, or simply just feel blah. So use your best advice and embrace it within your own heart.

LUCK is not about making difficult experiences disappear or hurtful interactions to suddenly feel great or dismissing poor choices that have serious outcomes. It’s about using your best resource within yourself to get through whatever is happening with strength, hope, and love which ultimately allows you to navigate this crazy thing we call life.

Be intentional about how you treat yourself and ultimately your intentions will attract and support LUCK around you.  Just remember, none of us need a four-leaf clover or charm to feel fortunate, experience joy, practice gratitude, or find peace.  We have everything we need within us, we only have to choose to access it.  Have an awesome day and get your LUCK on!

Learning how to practice patience…

Posted on by
Patience

Patience

Practice patience.  That’s the inspiration card that hangs above my computer at work.  I stuck it there because I need that kind of ‘in your face’ reminder every day.  I often feel like I’m running around, trying to beat a clock somewhere only to find my patience dwindle and be replaced by an excessive supply of worry or stress.  It happens in the grocery line, it happens when I am driving home, when I’m waiting for someone, and most of all it happens within myself.  It’s that internal chatter, telling me to ‘hurry up’ and ‘do this faster’ or ‘I can’t believe how long this is taking.’

The reality is that I’m not even sure what it means to practice patience. How do you practice something you don’t even feel like you have most of the time?  I meet people who make patience look effortless.  I’m sure you know some of these folks too.  They are the people who smile at the ‘slow-talker’ who is taking forever to tell a story.  They are the ones who drive without a hint of frustration behind the guy who has changed lanes 3 times without a blinker and cut them off at least once.  They respond to a hurried apology with “Don’t worry, take your time.”  And they tell you they had to wait at the doctor’s office for over an hour without even flinching.  Who are these people and what drugs do they take to make them so damn calm and patient?

My old perception would be that these people just don’t care and have no ambition.  I would see their lack of concern as aloof and unengaged.  My newer outlook realizes that these individuals are more present than I could even comprehend.  They are totally in the moment and able to appreciate exactly what is happening versus worry about what may happen 30 minutes from now.  They have figured out how to practice patience and make it work for them. I realize that when I’m around one of these more evolved persons of patience I tend to relax more and feel more calm.  I don’t always understand it, but I can’t help but soak up their sense of peace and wonder if I will ever feel that easy about deadlines, long lines, traffic, and all the other nuances.

As I figure out this whole concept, I found a quick way to measure my patience. I just have to stop and ask myself if I am being completely present in this moment.  If I’m worrying about how long this is taking or when I’m going to be done or how fast the line is moving….I’m not able to take in what is happening right now and what it is that I’m feeling and even more, what’s really triggering that feeling and creating this sense of urgency.   Instead, I’m 3 steps ahead and robbing myself of a moment of reflection and insight.  Granted, I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about being present in the grocery line as the lady in front of me piles up her 30 items in the clearly marked “express lane” but I’m starting to lean in to this idea that if I’m there, I should be present. I’m going to try this out for a while and see what happens.  Lucky me, I have plenty of opportunities to practice!

Take good care of yourself…be kind

Posted on by

I have a job that tends to have an endless source of vicarious trauma.  I work with vulnerable youth and bear witness to their joy, pain, and sorrow.  And I am often reminded of the stories that we all hold.   The pure resilience of the human spirit is never lost on me.  Most days I leave work feeling inspired to be a better person, a better clinician, and just better.  Some days…well some days just kick me in the teeth. This is when I need my self-care more than ever.

Today happen to be one of those days and I knew I was going to need to pay attention to my regimen of self-care.   It started with my favorite P!nk CD at the maximum volume on the way home, led to a walk with the dog at the park, and may wrap up with some mindless television watching after a thoughtful spurt of writing.  Is today a model of good self-care?  Maybe.  I guess it depends on who you ask.  See, I will be the first to tell my friends to take good care after days like this.  I will ask them, “What is something fun you can do tonight?  Something relaxing?”  The problem with this approach is that fun and relaxing activities are great, but they don’t often release my heart of the burden that I absorbed that day.  When you are truly present for someone in a time of need and bear witness to their pain and allow them a space to release their energy; a simple activity is not going to erase a memory that was etched in your heart.  Sure, I feel better on the short-term.  I lower my blood pressure back down and give my heart a healthy boost through my structured activity. But the pain has not dissolved, not completely.

So I’m trying something new.  Well, maybe not new…but I am adding something to my usual ‘go to’ strategies.  I am exploring this idea of more purposeful kindness.  Not only to myself, but to others.  I am finding that the more kind I am to others and to myself, the more I heal that vicarious trauma and ultimately the more I can give in those moments that I am called upon. I am doing this a variety of ways.  First of all, I’m not criticizing myself for not knowing what to say in a tense moment, instead I’m practicing self-compassion and giving myself permission to simply not know how to respond.  I also am being proactive with kindness and taking opportunities to smile at people more and say ‘good morning’.  I am reaching out to people I haven’t spoken to in a while just to say hi and that I was thinking of them.  I am taking many deep breaths on my commute home and remembering that everyone wants to get home just as much as I do and that if I let one car merge over (even though they don’t have a blinker on), I’m not hurting myself with this act of kindness and actually improving my own well-being in this process.  The easiest way I’m practicing is by asking myself “what is the most kind response I can offer with this particular situation?”   And the most beautiful part of this process is the more I increase my own awareness, the more opportunities I am realizing each day.

It’s not that being kind keeps me from experiencing pain or prevents the sadness from hurting my heart some days, but I can tell you that it has insulated my heart and soul to a point that makes it easier to recover from these hard times.  I still need to do the fun things and relax my body and mind. It’s just that adding kindness to this regimen provides a thicker layer of insulation from the harsh impact of trauma and pain.  So today I am going to practice kindness to those around me.  I’m not sure what that will look like just yet, but I’m sure it will come to me soon.  That’s the beautiful part of life….if you want an opportunity to practice something all you have to do is open your eyes to see what is present in front of you.

Be Kind Photo

 

Finding Happy

Posted on by

What makes you happy?  What is it that makes your heart sing? Simple questions, right?  Well, maybe not for everyone.  If you don’t believe me, find a teenager or perpetual teenager (you know, the brooding adult who still blames everyone else for their problems), and ask them “what makes you truly happy?”  It makes sense; it’s harder to think about what makes us happy if we are too busy feeling stressed out or angry.  By the way, I’m not suggesting that all teenagers are disgruntled and angry, I’m just suggesting they have a harder time to identify things that make them truly happy.

I am a happiness junkie.  I’ve probably read a half-dozen books that talk about the science of happiness. I love to watch movies like “Happy” and “Finding Joe” and others that talk about finding your bliss.  I enjoy listening to motivational speakers who remind me that we have a genetic set point which only makes up about 40%-50% of our total happiness potential.  And it’s awesome to review evidence that income or socioeconomic status have very little to do with our sense of life satisfaction.  Even with all of this; it is difficult to embrace this concept sometimes.  Let’s face it, our culture supports a relentless stream of messages that tell us we need to upgrade, update, buy bigger, buy more, and max out credit cards to earn more rewards.

I am not going to act like I don’t get caught up in this cycle and spend money on things with the idea that it is going to make me happy.  The reality, however, is that a trip to the local mall has never provided me with lasting happiness.  Taking my dog to the park or going for a 3 mile run has given me the kind of satisfaction that lasts through the next day though.  And I have found that random (or even planned) acts of kindness send my general sense of peace and contentment through the roof.

So what makes me happy?  I guess I would start with the basics.  Watching the sun come up, having great conversations with my friends and family, learning something new, completing goals (sometimes just writing out goals), doing something nice for someone, enjoying nature, becoming inspired by someone’s story, and catching myself in a moment of total bliss….yes, those are a few things that make my heart sing.

Most of this didn’t come as a surprise to me, but the one thing that I continue to explore is how powerful kindness can be in the equation of happy.  More and more evidence seems to support that acts of kindness increase our brain plasticity and our sense of well-being.  The more I practice this, the more I believe it.  No, I’m not turning into a genius or anything (insert laugh here), but I am noticing a shift in my sense of contentment and a lowered height of anxiety during certain interactions.  I am also noticing that the more I practice kindness, the easier I am recognizing when I receive kindness.  I am amazed how powerful the words ‘thank you’ can be to people who are not used to hearing them.   See, kindness doesn’t have to be grand gestures or extensive acts….sometimes it is a matter of exercising patience as someone figures out a new job, smiling at people as you pass by them and telling them “good morning”, or maybe it’s a matter of simply admitting when you are wrong.  And of course, the thing that my mother taught me still holds true….”Please and thank you goes a long way”!

Funny how I started out writing about happiness and ended up with a reminder to express gratitude.  Ha, this is the kind of stuff that makes my heart sing.  Sigh.  My thought for today?  Take a few minutes to think about what brings that lasting happy and go get it.  It’s not that I think we have to fight for happiness, but I do believe we have to pause long enough to be able to see it where it already exists and nurture it within ourselves which ultimately helps promote happiness all around!